Tuesday, January 30, 2007

BEING MISUNDERSTOOD

I struggle with depression, but depression does not define who I am. Actually, it is just a tool that God has used greatly in my life to make me into a great person. God always takes the weak and makes them great. My friend was reminding me of that today - God doesn't bring greatness out of the strong and mighty, but out of weak places. God uses the weak things of the world to shame the wise. The weaker parts of the Body are indespensible. His Word is full of the fact that weakness = ones he uses, in his economy. One of my dear friends was telling me tonight that she knew I struggled with depression long before we became friends, and she was afraid to get to know me because she had a pre-conceived notion of what depression looked like. But now that she knows me, first of all its not that way at all, and second of all, I am a "jewel of a friend" to her, and that is largely because of who God has shaped me to be, through my struggles. Isn't God really neat?? Another thing, when I am misunderstood, I don't need to defend myself, because the Holy Spirit is my Advocate, and does a much better job than I could do! Besides, the Spirit knows how to speak in terms of God's ways.

GOD'S LOVE AND CARE FOR US

I'm going to share about my heart today. I've wanted this blog to be about things that I am processing in life, thoughts that can help the Church learn to have more vulnerable authentic community where we can be there for each other in new and atypical ways. I am trying to follow the Lord, but I also know that I have a lot to learn. But I want to do my best at obedience and love for Him. So here's what I'm processing -

My heart is topsy turvy with emotions today. A lot is going on. There are two families that are moving away from St Louis and have asked me to come with them. And I've talked with both families numerous times in the past about going with them one day. I believe that God might seriously be calling me to go. Then there's also my church home here where I fit in so well and love to be a part. God could very well call me to stay. Then there are two potential male relationships in my life, neither of which are in St Louis. What if God calls me to one of those, or another something that hasn't even come my way yet? I am tempted to feel confused and lost by all the different potential paths for my life. Then I also had a conversation about my past last night which tempted me to feel ashamed of who I am. What is God calling me to? What do I do with all these different things? Well - he is calling me to remember that he is my God and that he loves me dearly, that he made a path for me to have a relationship with him through Christ, and that there is no reason I cannot follow him and trust him. I have learned this about him from what he has done in my life. And yet I am like the Israelites in the desert who had seen amazing ways that God cared and led them, and yet still turned away again and again. I am continually tempted to want to control life myself, making what I think is best, happen. I want to choose to obey, to choose only with the goodness of Christ that is in me because he died for me. I cannot choose to obey on my own. Friends, I am writing you from the middle of not seeing clearly at all what is going on. And from that cloudy place, I want to tell you that God is trustworthy and worth following; NOTHING else is worth it. And nothing else deserves it.

Friday, January 26, 2007

MICHELLE'S MISUNDERSTANDING

I have a good friend who is a single mom. She also has been hurt by the Church different times and is wary of trusting her. Since she is a single mom, she is especially fearful of being judged by the church for being a single mom. To her, I am a major connection to the church. So when I prayed for her during her baby shower, she almost looked for me to say something judgemental. I prayed about the hard birth that the baby had, because he had a hard physical birth into this world. I thought that I made it very clear that I was talking about the difficult labor and his trouble breathing after his birth, but the way she heard it, she thought I was calling it a hard birth because she is a single mom and therefore had sex outside of marriage. She heard it as a public prayer where I was judging her sex outside of marriage.

When we have been wounded in an area, we need others to be extremely sensitive to that wound and carefully word everything we say, and then go back and make sure that it was heard correctly. I don't think we can check too much to make sure the other person is believing that we are loving them unconditionally.

Saturday, January 13, 2007

USING MOVIES TO LEARN ABOUT THOSE WHO SUFFER

Have you ever seen the movie Wit? I highly recommend watching it with someone else and then discussing it. Its about a woman dying of cancer. Use it to get in touch with how people who are suffering feel. Then also use it to talk about how you could love this woman well if you were her friend. You can also do this with Schindler's List and A Beautiful Mind.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

RECOMMENDATION

http://www.clearings.blogspot.com

I want to refer y'all to this blog. It is written by a friend of mine who has cerebral palsy. It gives great insight on how you can love and understand one living with pain and suffering.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

WHAT NOT TO SAY

I want to start blogging more about how to love those who are hurting, since I have been asked this a lot lately. So that will be a theme for a while. Here's the first installment. I asked friends who had faced difficult suffering what they wish had NOT been said to them. What they said underscores how helpful it can be to simply listen.

"I think you need to get some professional help."
"'I can do all things though Christ who strengthens me....'"
"'Rejoice in the Lord at all times....'"
"It's not that bad compared to (insert major world crisis)."
"Be glad that God is making you stronger."
"Just try harder and you can do it."
"You're just a Drama Queen."
"Other people have it worse than you do."
"Let me know how that goes, huh?"
"God must really have it in for you."
"Weren’t you struggling with this last week?"
"I struggled with something just like that and I got over it."
"Remember, it is important to keep a good witness."
"Well, this is God’s will so don’t complain."
"Please don’t share this in public."
"If you had more faith, you would be healed."
"I'll pray for you" (translation: "I am uncomfortable being with someone who is hurting, so I'm going to get you to quit talking about it by saying I'll pray for you and sound spiritual in the process.")
"Everything works for the good of those who love him" (translation: "I have never really been hurting in my life and I have no idea how to relate to what you're saying so if you're hurting you must have done something wrong.")

Its interesting how many of these are scripture from the Word of God.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

A PET PEEVE

I've decided that I have several new pet peeves. They aren't really related. One is about men and women relating. I don't like how single women (maybe married ones too) expect men to act like women and then get aggravated when they don't, instead of appreciating the differences between the sexes. I think its wrong, plus it rubs off on me too easily when I am tempted to be aggravated at a man. Then another one is about Christmas. People everywhere ask "Are you ready for Christmas?" meaning - have you bought everyone a gift? And now they ask "How was your Christmas?" meaning - did you get good presents? Where is Christ in that?