Friday, May 26, 2006

DON'T STOP READING MY BLOG!

HI Y'ALL! I DON'T HAVE INTERNET RIGHT NOW AND SO THE BEST IT GETS IS TO GET ON ANOTHER COMPUTER REALLY QUICK, AND I DON'T HAVE TIME TO REALLY WRITE. SO DON'T GIVE UP ON MY BLOG! I SHOULD HAVE INTERNET AND START POSTING AGAIN IN 1 WEEK MAX!

Thursday, May 18, 2006

GRIEVING

Oh how heavy my heart is lately. Transitions are abounding and dear friends are moving away. It is so special to have a friend with whom you can share the depths of your heart. And I've gotten to have several of those kinds of friendships the past 4 years that I have been here in St Louis. Oh if y'all only knew what a great privilege its been to come from where I've been, to this incredible community here that deeply involves Covenant Seminary. That's where I've made these incredible friends. I graduated last year, but stayed in town and stayed close with my closest of friends. And now they are graduating. The end of life as I know it right now. It has been so sweet. I don't want it to end, in a way. O come quickly Lord Jesus so that the Kingdom can be fully here. But what of right now while the Kingdom has not fully come? Do I kill my heart and try to not feel the sadness of the loss? That is not what the Bible would call me to do. I am to hope for good, no matter how that may hurt my heart in grief because the hope will not be fulfilled right now. Hope and grieve and suffer well my friends, for the sake of Christ.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

THE MESSINESS OF GETTING INVOLVED

First of all, y'all, sorry I'm not writing more lately. I'm in the middle of moving and this keeps getting put off.

G has come to our church for the past couple of months at least, on Sunday evenings. We first made contact with him when he came with another woman in the neighborhood. She has started coming, and so he decided he wanted to check us out. Shortly after he first came, he asked us for financial help, and we helped. Then he has continued coming - we have a Sunday night meal with a worship service after. He is homeless and he is also an alcoholic, and realizes that the latter is what is ruining his life. Over the past months, he has gotten several members of our church to give him cash in addition to the financial help that they church gave. This past Sunday, he came to church and asked many people for money, giving a very convincing story which he has used several other occasions, and he received a good bit - probably about 10 people gave him the $2 he was asking for. I saw people giving him money, and went to them afterward and encouraged them to not give cash, but to refer anyone who was asking for money to the Servant Ministry Team, so that we can attempt to help wholistically. After the evening service I walked over to Shop 'N Save, and I saw G checking out having only bought alcohol. And whether this next thing I did was foolish or the Holy Spirit, I am not sure yet because I have yet to see all the ramifications. But as I saw him, I walked up to him and said, "G! I can't believe that you would go around church asking for money and then come and buy alcohol with it! " He said, "I really am washing my clothes - come on, I'll show you," I said, "G, that's not the point. First of all if you had money for alcohol then you already had money to wash clothes for a job interview. Also, if I went back and told the church that you are buying alcohol with their money, do you think they'd want to be supporting you in that? Alcohol is what is ruining your life. We want so much more for you. We really do care. I pray for you, Chris prays for you, Andrew prays for you. But you have to take responsibility for yourself. No one else can do it for you. And we want you to be able to break away from the thing that is controlling and ruining your life." For a second in that dialogue, he looked really angry, and I thought he might try to hit me. But then his face softened, he said,"Thanks Ann Louise," and turned and walked away. At the moment I first saw him buy alcohol, I was angry. He essentially lied to the church about what he was going to do with their money. That is righteous anger. But then I remembered how hard it is for me to not stuff myself with a good meal or a good desert because I want it so much, and then I was reminded that I have no right to judge someone else about giving into an earthly desire (whether that be a desire for alcohol, or be a desire to get away from pain). And there's so much else to his story also that factors in. He has responsibility, there is a great deal working against him that he cannot control, and life is really messy isn't it?