Thursday, April 23, 2009

MORE ON THE THYROID AND SUFFERING

Life feels so hard today. It feels constantly hard so often to me. My friend Courtney wrote a great comment at the end of the last blog post, and I want to say more about that, but I don't really have the energy right now. Look back for more another time, I hope.?.? I desire that in blogging about my thyroid stuff and how exhausting it is, it sets the stage for maybe one or two others to begin to be a little more honest about their emotions as they come to our Lord.

So I found out that the biopsy showed that it is not cancer and it is not even pre-cancerous cells. The secretary from the doc's office called, even tho the doc told me that she would call me herself. And she called yesterday morning when I was already having a terrible morning, and already ache-ing and tired and down and cold, and she just said its OK and gave me no other info and I said wait - please help me! I'm missing so much work and I am my own provider financially and I don't have any time off with this job and I already have two years of major doctors visits and health care debt that I have been working on, and please don't just leave me with that info, please tell me what to do next to try and find some relief! The doc took a lot of my blood for blood work last week and was going to tell me how my thyroid levels were and was going to adjust my medicine, but she still has not called me back like she said she would. I think I'll call her today until she does - but also even that feels overwhelming to have to call, and I'd rather try to hide under the covers.

Hiding doesn't work tho! When you come out, the world and life is still there, as hard as it is, to have to live. And I don't just want to survive, I want to LIVE! I want the peace and joy and contentment that comes from knowing our Lord and I want to fight for that. But what about when you don't have the strength to fight for that? I think that's what I'll write about in my next post.

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