CERTAINTY AND UNCERTAINTY

So I still don't know what the results of the yucky I-felt-him-digging-the-needle-in-my-throat biopsy. I'm not sure if I want surgery or not. I really don't want surgery, but I don't want frequent biopsies either. This growth in my neck isn't the only uncertainty in my life right now. I feel like I mostly live at about 1 millimeter above being defeated. And its like I'll sink under the water, and just when I'm about to loose it, God pulls me up for air. He saves me again and again from being defeated. Maybe this is where I'm going to stay. Maybe not. but everytime I'm down under the water wondering where in the world God is, and how long is He going to leave me here, I seem to learn a little more about believing in the Gospel. I totally get the prayer, "I believe - help my unbelief." Our pastor preached Sunday about all that we can learn from suffering if we pay attention. And if we stop using all our efforts to just feel more comfortable, and instead use our efforts to seek God. I know I don't always find him right when I first seek him, but he ALWAYS shows himself to me.

A friend e mailed this and I firmly agree:

I really really believe that it is more than fine to doubt and question. It will only give God the opportunity to answer your questions and draw you close to him when you need him the very most. I hope that doesn't sound like "christianese" encouragement. But I really hope you feel the freedom to have a full range of emotions, including sadness and anger and fear. That is how God has made you. He has given you all those emotions. Do not be afraid to feel them and be honest with your Lord.