LOVING SOMEONE WITH SCHIZOPHRENIA

She can't even say the word correctly. And I knew her for 2 whole years before I knew she had it. She told me about going to prison before she told me she had schizophrenia. She always says that it doesn't affect her at all. But I have worked harder to show love to her than almost anyone in my life, and yet she can still turn on me in a minute, saying and believing I'm evil and hate her. But the rest of the time she calls me her little sister.

She has painted horrible untrue pictures of me to many many of my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ at my church. She is frequently suicidal and I'd say at least every six months she tells me about wanting to kill herself. 99.9% of my conversations with her on the phone are about her pain and misery. I used to be good friends with her daughter, and now the daughter won't return my phone calls. I have no idea what happened unless it is that the daughter believed her paranoid rantings about me.

She never texts me, and last night at 4 am in the middle of the night, I got a text from her from a strange phone # that said, "Pray God, Jesus my brother, said where I am - Sister, I be home today." That totally sounded to me like a suicide note. That she was telling me she was going to be home with Jesus today. Given the fact that she talks about suicide so very often, I especially thought it was true. So I waited a while trying to get in touch with her. No answer. So I called 911. I just recently read as I was studying about mental illness how important it is to take suicide threats seriously and call 911 every time. How its not good to let them think you aren't going to do anything about it, even though it is often. I told the police exactly what the text said and they agreed they should go check it out. So then a little while later she calls me. I pick up the phone having wondered if I was going to have to go to a funeral soon, kind of mad at her, kind of scared for her, even kind of glad for her - a huge mixture of emotions. I answer the phone to her yelling at me. She's furious that I called the police, and she says she's going to loose her housing because I called 911 (which is NOT true because we have been through this before). I told her that I was sorry that I misunderstood but she said that she was going to be home and mentioned Jesus and I thought that was worth checking on her. She kept yelling and I told her I wasn't going to talk to her while she was yelling. She didn't stop, so I hung up on her like I said I would. I called her back a little while later and she didn't answer, and I left a message saying I was again sorry, but that I was trying to do the best thing because I love her. Thankfully, I didn't make the problem worse by yelling back, which is often tempting to do. So then she has called me, let's see, 9 times today and her messages say words like this: Ha ha I called the pastor and told on you; I think you are the suicidal one you dumb bitch; you m-f-er this is the end of our friendship; I've told all my family what you are and how you mean no good and they don't want me to talk to you ever again; you liar; God's going to take revenge on you....

I post this because it is very very very hard to live as a vulnerable church and to include every one, even those so very hard to love.