GOD'S LOVE AND CARE FOR US

I'm going to share about my heart today. I've wanted this blog to be about things that I am processing in life, thoughts that can help the Church learn to have more vulnerable authentic community where we can be there for each other in new and atypical ways. I am trying to follow the Lord, but I also know that I have a lot to learn. But I want to do my best at obedience and love for Him. So here's what I'm processing -

My heart is topsy turvy with emotions today. A lot is going on. There are two families that are moving away from St Louis and have asked me to come with them. And I've talked with both families numerous times in the past about going with them one day. I believe that God might seriously be calling me to go. Then there's also my church home here where I fit in so well and love to be a part. God could very well call me to stay. Then there are two potential male relationships in my life, neither of which are in St Louis. What if God calls me to one of those, or another something that hasn't even come my way yet? I am tempted to feel confused and lost by all the different potential paths for my life. Then I also had a conversation about my past last night which tempted me to feel ashamed of who I am. What is God calling me to? What do I do with all these different things? Well - he is calling me to remember that he is my God and that he loves me dearly, that he made a path for me to have a relationship with him through Christ, and that there is no reason I cannot follow him and trust him. I have learned this about him from what he has done in my life. And yet I am like the Israelites in the desert who had seen amazing ways that God cared and led them, and yet still turned away again and again. I am continually tempted to want to control life myself, making what I think is best, happen. I want to choose to obey, to choose only with the goodness of Christ that is in me because he died for me. I cannot choose to obey on my own. Friends, I am writing you from the middle of not seeing clearly at all what is going on. And from that cloudy place, I want to tell you that God is trustworthy and worth following; NOTHING else is worth it. And nothing else deserves it.