MOVIES AND ESTABLISHING MY CREDIBILITY TO WRITE THIS BLOG ABOUT BEING VULNERABLE

I want to encourage people to go see good movies like "The Chronicles of Narnia: the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe" and "Pride and Prejudice" because when good movies are supported in the theaters, more good movies are made. But right now I want to share how "the Lion the Witch and The Wardrobe" has touched my life. There's a scene where the White Witch is getting Edmund under her control, and she does it by putting him in her warm sleigh and giving him his favorite candy while telling him good things. But when he got to her in Narnia later and had done what she had told him, he realizes that everything had been a lie. Well there was a time 8 years ago when I was very suicidal and eventually hospitalized. And one time I went and got some razor blades and was all prepared to kill myself. It felt so good to think that I was about to die that I sat there and dreamed about it for a while. And then all of a sudden I realized: this is like the White Witch wooing Edmund in Narnia, this feels so good but its all a lie! Satan is trying to deceive me into thinking that killing myself is the best and the right thing to do! And I turned around and threw the razor blades away and went and called my friend. Life is painful but suicide is not the answer. We'll definitely discuss these hard things more in the future.

TEARS

My counselor taught me something invaluable last week. She said that there are 4 kinds of tears. There are angry tears, self-pity tears, painful tears, and sad tears. And here's the important part - the sad tears are the ones we cry when we are grieving. That's why some people get stuck in counseling for years and years and can't get past an issue, or some people say that they've cried 20 years over their child's death and they still can't function - its because they have cried other types of tears than sad tears and so they haven't been grieving. We have to cry the sad tears and grieve to have dealt with pain and be able to get past it so that we cannot be controlled by that situation anymore. I thought that was so good and so helpful! What I've been reading in a book relates to that also. I'm reading Dan Allender's To Be Told: know your story and shape your future. He talks about looking at your past story and using it to help know God more and to know and follow God's calling for your life. Here are some good quotes that may encourage you to read further: "No soul can hope to love the story infected with the stain of sin and streaks of sorrow unless the shame withers. And shame will not wither unless we choose to enter all of our stories- including the stories that bring heartache.... Jesus doesn’t take away anguish and anger; he transforms heartache to passion and anger to righteous defiance...To loose anguish is to be one step close to robotic inhumanity...To relinquish my hurt involves asking God not so much to take the pain away but to enter the sacred ground...in due season the pain will quiet and your heart will be invited to embrace all the stories of your life."(pp 170-189, Waterbrook Press, Colorado Springs, 2005)

INTRODUCTION

Hi y'all!
This blog will soon have a more specific name. I just haven't gotten that far yet. My pastor and my brother have both encouraged me to do this, as they are both continually helping me grow. I am one who has learned value of hurting and struggling together in community, and I love to write about it. I want this blog to deal with that. I want to keep the entries short, and I want to deal with a variety of topics that relate to hurting and struggling - real topics that the church is dealing with. I will share my heart and my opinions, too. And I want you to do it back as we interact and dialogue together. I'm looking forward to it!
Ann Louise