BEING SAD
Has it really been almost a month since I wrote last? Wow, you can tell that I was involved in relationship where I spent a lot of time focusing on that! I don't want to be the kind of person who lets everything go when I am relating to another, particularly a terrific man, but I also don't want to try to do everything I do as a totally single woman. That's then too much to cram into a life. However, just when I was fixin' to figure out how to maintain my blog with less time in life, that relationship got put on hold. And its just that, that relationship being put on hold, that I'm going to write about today.
I am sad that this relationship is on hold. And I have very very little faith, and so I doubt God's goodness at the drop of a hat. But whether I believe God is good or not, then this is a fallen world and is very sad at times. I encountered a few conversations this week where I was pretty sure that my friends were trying to make me un-sad - maybe because they'd rather believe that the pain in this world is less than it is? One friend suggested that I should not have entered into this relationship in the first place because of the potential for hurt. Well, yes I could stay a man hating hermit forever, but would that protect me from pain? No because this is a fallen world. Jesus hasn't returned yet and things are not as they should be. I think that my friends want me to not go into a tailspin of depression and that's why they offered alternative ways of thinking about this relationship not going the way I wanted it to. But see then that was un-solicited advice, which almost no one welcomes. I would much more appreciate them saying "Ann Louise, I don't want you to catastrophize about this - are there any words I can say to help you with that? " and then for them to say something that lets me know that they empathize with me in my sadness and that they are sorry that I hurt. That would be what I would welcome in the midst of my pain.
posted by Ann Louise @ 3/22/2008 02:55:00 PM
3 Comments:
Ann Louise, I am sorry that you are sad, kind of. Kind of in that I just know that it stinks to be sad and I wish you didn't have to be. But 'kind of' also in the sense that you and I both know and that is the 'kind of' that is related to God's sovereign work of sanctification. We need the sad places in life, right? But I was wondering, as I read your post, if your friends in their own way (albeit awkward and imperfect) might have been trying to do the very thing you longed for them to do. You heard the words and know the context, I don't. But I just wondered. Also, you are such a good reminder to be honest and open about our hurts - but I am sure you know that that kind of openness leads to another kind of openness. We open ourselves up to the response of others to our hurt. (The imperfect, sometimes careless, sometimes well meaning and still careless, sometimes right on response of others.) You take a big risk every time you do open up, but you continue to do it and I admire you for that. Be patient with the rest of us who are trying to figure out what to do with your honesty. Some of us are slow learners.
AL, know that I care!
I am sorry you felt like people are not okay with where you are. I am definitely very sensitive about this, which is probably why I don't often let people know where I really am. I can't try that with you though, because you would see right through me! :) Like Mandy said, I appreciate your willingness to be open with people and so very real! Thank you for how you pave the way for many of us in that, and how you are an example of realness for us!
Love,
Lori
Great points y'all and thanks for the encouragement. I've had the range of thing from people who say that it helps them tremendously that I am so open to pastors who have called me into their offices and reprimanded me for being open and creating tension that way. I feel called by the Lord to be open. Great points Mandy - I do need to be patient with those who are not comfortable with openness.
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